RUNNING ON EMPTY by Julie Williams

When the silence between the words got longer it was time.
My life drained away, my joy dragged kicking and screaming to her someone else.
My light dimmed to darkness. 23 years eclipsed.
My home became only an empty, loveless house – just a few tired souvenirs she left behind.
I was running on empty.
I wanted a new destination without knowing who or what would refuel me.
Rooms full of people yet loneliness unbound. Weekdays returning to plan-less weekends in too short time.
Those weekends so long and soul-less.
Confusion, bottom of the barrel sadness, nothing to expect but nothingness.
Anticipation, excitement and the fullness of life no longer part of my experience.
Music stopped, the risk of sobbing the tank to dry was too much.
My body itched from the inside, sleep evaded me, food to heal my hunger gifted away.
Living within my skin as if I were imprisoned. Fresh air, when found, so stale it made me breathless.
I was running on empty.
Suddenly starting to notice how everyone’s face is younger than mine.
Body aching, tired bones from a brain buzzing like wasps
Realising there is only one life and it is my choice, to live it or survive it
There is no going back to younger days and happier times. No reliving those memories.
Life is life at least. Not everyone has that privilege and some face despair far deeper than mine.
Running on empty for too long.
Realising the sun is my fuel, the light is my guide, my friends hold my hand
There is a life beyond this place, a new journey waiting to be made and now, the Tribe.
I have to expect more than nothingness, and hope for more than the dread of a new day
I have to hope I will love again, and she will be my fuel. No longer running on empty.
Thank you Fionians, the Tribe and Fiona