Looking back on my life, I realize my inner child was wounded at an early age. It is all making sense to me now. The trauma that I experienced in my childhood began around the age of five. My parents argued constantly which caused me to withdraw. My two brothers and I seemed to always be getting in trouble as well. After two years, at the age of seven, my parents got a divorce, but the arguments continued over the phone. I was physically and emotionally neglected. My relationship with my dad was difficult and still is to this day.

After the divorce, my mother raised my brothers and I alone. We had to move to another neighborhood where my mom found work. I didn’t like my new school and I didn’t know how to make friends. When I was nine, my mom met someone who she then married. Great, another “father” figure to deal with! He and I had a rocky start because he was verbally degrading. He was always getting on me about my weight. Didn’t I already have low self-esteem, self-worth? Wasn’t I already afraid of being hurt and abandoned? Wasn’t I already emotionally repressed? Needless to say, my teen years did not get any better. My days were filled with much loneliness.

After college, I moved to Florida and began my lesbian journey. I used to think I was gay, only because I didn’t trust men. Come to find out, I was born this way and I soon realized that I couldn’t trust women either. I was broken. I found myself having difficulties creating healthy attachments to people and I engaged in self-destructive behaviors. I clung to relationships, even though they were toxic. I became codependent. I had fears of being left, abandoned. My relationships always ended up with me being hurt. I was a wounded child in an adult’s body, experiencing over and over the cycles of feeling abandoned, guilty and neglected. My wounds were exposed repeatedly. I never experienced security in a relationship.

Now, I am a 57 year old woman, grey hair and all, and I can say that my inner child has been embraced and is ready to come out to play. She only came out to play because I felt safe in my relationship with Bren. Being a kindergarten teacher, Bren instinctively began to reassure little me that it was safe to come out to play. I am always going around the house singing children’s songs and nursery rhymes. The problem is, I don’t even know the song I am singing or humming until Bren starts singing along. I also love coloring, drawing, playing games, and laughing at puns. Check out my FB story everyday if you need a laugh. I especially like seeing sprinkles on my desserts.
I now feel loved and secured. My wounds have healed. I have created happiness and joy, and can always see the positive in every situation. I feel safe when I am alone and I am filled with love and light.

May you always remember your Inner Child even if you were robbed of it in your childhood. Don’t let age extinguish it either. Finding yourself consists of peeling off years of social conditioning to find a self as it existed during childhood, UN-MASKED!