Melted Chocolate, Dogs and Beaches by HJE Schoenemann (Jill)

Booja truffles
I melted my expensive chocolate tonight
I didn’t mean to melt it, forgot how close to my heater it was
I ate it anyway – gooey, sticky Booja Booja truffles
Kinda too cold here at the moment
Kinda not a lot of work either or I would be traipsing outside in the frozen park walking dogs
I am in my calm space – my small cozy place
so I can be near my auntie, whom, sadly, doesn’t like my voice, my accent, the way I talk, the volume to which I speak – essentially all the American, California things about me.
A former friend not so thrilled either as we are entangled in a small claims event, oh dear. – former friend.
Another “friend”, when last we spoke said she doesn’t like the way I converse with her either, but then she never calls let alone does she answer me when I ring.
Another person I know said, oh, you should have just agreed to do… to go along to get along. No, no, no.
Seems I have missed something about friendship and family, oh yeah, the brother whom chats with me about US presidents, medicines and government and global issues, yet not about my gayness as it doesn’t fit in with his beliefs.
Think I will go back to my melted, gooey, delicious chocolate and find new people who like to engage with me, yeah, that person whom has finally emerged as self that all mentioned wish I were some other person.
Chocolate, dogs, cats, beaches, sunsets and faith and hope for, wait…
I will move through this all now and take any lesson it is squeezing out of me or moving through me. No need to run or wish for some other situations.
Days gone by I would have likely felt guilty and ALL my fault. Not today.
I think, just the melted gooey chocolate is actually my fault; at least that is enjoyable in any form!
All the rest, just to look at, observe and keep walking. I like my short hair, even if others do not. I have accepted my gayness whether it fits with your beliefs or not actually has nothing to do with me. The way I speak, well, yeah, that is not changing any time soon nor should it for anyone. And going along to get along – long gone my friend.
Gooey, sticky chocolate, yum. The beach is calling…