Today my brother sent a text on the family text site
said I also am in the hospital finishing my treatment
I asked was it for the dialisis? instant reply was never mind!
once again I was harsly reminded how invisible I am to them
and once again the black sheep matters not
as with my sis I am invisable and not allowed an emergency contact
to be able to ask Doctors her condition and how she is doing
I am not invited into their lives to know anything
my family has always been my heart and soul regardless
how they look away when I enter a room I am invisable
my heart has been broken enough by their inability
to recognize my love for them, I am not enough
the pain is drowning me in my own tears of invisability
I feel so apart, so left out, so univited to their world
My tears will flow as I begin to turn and walk away
as they are this moment of being put in my place again
of being so unwanted as my heart is simply breaking
for it is time now, time for me, time for my life my world
I turn now, I walk away, drowning in empty tears
my heart will heal, my life will heal, I will go on

My lovely, this is how my family has always looked upon me
as a retard, as no one important to them. They have been a source
of great heartach to me. I have always wanted to feel a part of their
lives as they are my family. But no, they have secrets, I am uninvited
to know. When my brother is in hospital for anything I never get to know about it
till he is back home and ok. This time I was told my sis was is hospital
but was not allowed to know just how she was doing. All my efforts to find
out how she was doing was met with a slap in my face once again. I
was told to leave her alone. So I just stopped asking how she was doing
and whatever. I cried many lonly tears again of that feeling of not
belonging. Of being reminded of how alone they make me feel. The
hurt is endless. Whem my baby brother John was killed in an accident
my big brother yelled out “why the baby”! I felt that to my core like
why wasnt it Rose. I have lived a life of being invisable the them second class
always left out of anything they did that was fun or for the family. All of them
were together but where was I? So I have had to create my own life apart.
My own family, Which I concider to be you all, my tribe. My sweet lovely.
So this is what my poem is about.